Letter to Sonia
Published Woman's Weekly 16 April 2007
He lost his 21-year-old girlfriend Sonia Waititi to suicide - but Aaron (Kapabal) Wyatt (23) of Upper Hutt hopes his music
can help other young people.
Dear Sonia
There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you and wonder what our future would have been like.
I don't know why you took your own life but I wish you had stayed with me. I feel so lost and empty without you and it has
taken me a long time to try to move on. But I know I have to because it's what you would have wanted. We would have
celebrated our five-year anniversary this year. That would have been something special.
When we first me through friends, I didn't think I was ready for a relationship but you convinced me to give it a go. Things
went well and you soon became my first serious girlfriend. I knew you were different from other girls - you were caring and
weren't impressed by material things. I fell in love with you and I was so happy. We both were. I remember feeling nervous
the first day I introduced you to my family. But I didn't need to worry - you all got on so well.
After a while we moved in together and I started noticing how stressed out you would get. We were never financially stable
and you really worried about bills. I could see how guilty you felt if things were not paid on time. But bills were not the
only thing you stressed about and I know you found it hard living away from your family, who were in Gisborne.
Okay, so we weren't perfect and we even broke up a few times over the years but we always got back together because our love
was so strong. Three-and-a-half years into our relationship I thought we had sorted everything out. We were pretty solid and
had even talked about getting married. You said you only wanted a small wedding and I was happy with that.
I remember the night I wrote a song for you. You were watching TV and I was watching you. The song was about buying you a
ring and you loved it.
It was about a month later that I had to start working night shifts at the factory and you were spending a lot of time
alone. You started to get down and things took a turn for the worse. I said it was only temporary until I found something I
enjoyed. My biggest regret is not managing to find something else straightaway.
We decided to take a break from our relationship and you went to live with your sister but you were still really down. One
day you were so depressed, you tried to hurt yourself. "Why did you do this?" I asked in disbelief. "I just want you to be
happy, Sonia, is it me? It is, isn't it? I don't make you happy". You cried and told me that wasn't true. "Then promise me
you will get help" I begged. With tears on your face, you nodded and swore you would.
One night we met up and you said you were moving to Australia to sort yourself out and get help with your depression. That
was awesome to hear. I was so pleased for you. Even though I knew I would miss you with all my heart, I desperately wanted
you to get better.
The last time we spoke, I was at work and I had to cut our conversation short because the manager was standing next to me. I
could tell from the sound of your voice that something was wrong. I called you in my break but by then there was no answer.
I tried again and again, I was sick with worry. So I called my mum and asked her to go and check on you. I was waiting
anxiously to hear from Mum so when the phone rang, I grabbed it, expecting it to be her - or even you, telling me everything
was okay. But I didn't recognise the voice of the woman on the other end.
"There's been an accident" I heard her say. Immediately I knew she was talking about you, and I knew it wasn't an accident.
You had taken your own life. The next few days went by in a painful blur. I kept blaming myself. If only I had rung back, if
only I had gone around to your house...So many "if onlys".
Your family came to get you and I travelled in the car back to Gisborne with your body, staying beside you during the days
that you lay in the marae for your tangi. I couldn't leave your side. Your family made me take breaks to eat but I needed to
be with you all the time. Since the funeral, I have been concentrating on trying to pick up the pieces of my life, and my
heart.
For me, part of the healing has been writing another song for you. It's called Even Though Ur Gone. It's been released as a
single and I've decided to donate all the proceeds from its sale to a trust my mum has set up, called The Rainy Days
Prevention of Suicide Trust.
I want to try to help others going through the agony you did, so they can find hope to carry on. I will never stop loving
you and I will never forget you.
Love Kape
As told to Jonica Bray
*To buy Even Though Ur Gone, visit
www.myspace.com/kapabal or
www.superior4tress.com. Proceeds from sales will go to set up
an educational programme promoting positive youth development and providing support for their families. Donations can be
made at any branch of the Bank of New Zealand to: The Rainy Days Prevention of Suicide Trust, acct number 02 0922 0023145 00
50.
If you or someone you care about is depressed or suicidal, contact your doctor or ring the Lifeline 24 hour counselling
service in your area.